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Energy vampires. Some people just wear you out; you feel more tired and stressed, less vital after interacting with them. These folks seem to believe that the main job of their friends and colleagues is to help them feel better. I once had a friend who required hours and hours of “processing” – his pain, difficulty, emotional upheaval, the unfairness of his past life: everything needed to be gone over ad infinitim. Sadly, no matter how deeply you listen, no matter how much counsel you offer, no matter how much you put your own needs on the back burner to support these folks, it will not be enough. Think about the friends and colleagues who consistently take more from you than they give back, and ask yourself why you’re still offering yourself to be sucked dry。

精力吸血鬼。一些人总让你精疲力尽，与他们交往后，你感到很累很压抑，甚至萎靡不振。这些人似乎认为朋友和同事的主要工作就是使自己过得好。我曾经有一个朋友，他分秒不停地“诉苦”——关于他过去的生活所经历的痛苦、遇到的困难、遭遇的情感挫折和不公平待遇。每件事他都要无休止地讲下去。可悲的是，无论你多么用心聆听，无论你提出多少建议，无论你为了帮助他们放下自己手头多少事，在他们看来似乎都显得不够。想想你的那些朋友和同事，他们从你那里拿走的远超过归还的，然后问问自己，为何还要让他们吸取你的精力。

I Me Mine: My brother used to be married to someone who expected much more from others, on a daily basis, than she was willing to give. For instance, she had no problem asking someone to babysit for her child, or watch her house, or run an errand for her…but when it came time to reciprocate, somehow it just never seemed possible. When she came to visit, everything had to be oriented to accommodate her: the foods she required, the quietest room with the proper light, the cats farmed out to friends because of her allergies. No such accommodations were possible when others visited her. “I Me Mine” people are the center of their own universe, and if they’re in your life, you are always going to have to work around their needs and preferences. Collaboration, reciprocity and give and take are not part of their vocabulary.